Count Hopscotch: A Halloween Tale of Goats, Vampires, and Victorian Weirdness
Halloween is almost here at Old Dallas Mountain Farms, and Hopscotch Hiccup (better known as Hops) has decided to embrace the occasion by dressing as Dracula. Well, perhaps “decided” is being a little generous. Yes, that’s really Hops wearing a vampire costume. No, the photograph isn’t AI-generated. And no, getting her into that outfit was nowhere near as easy as her remarkably dignified appearance might suggest. There were negotiations, there were bribes, and there were moments when we questioned our life choices. But eventually, Count Hopscotch emerged, ready to terrorize the countryside. Or at least investigate whether anyone nearby was carrying treats.
Goat Gold: A Vampire Without Fangs
There’s one rather significant problem with Hops’ new identity as a creature of the night: goats don’t have upper front teeth. Instead of upper incisors, goats have a firm dental pad that works together with their lower front teeth to grasp and tear vegetation. It’s a perfectly effective arrangement for an animal that spends a considerable amount of time eating, but considerably less effective if your career aspirations involve becoming Dracula.
So while Hops might look perfectly at home lurking around a haunted castle, her vampire career would probably end the moment somebody asked to inspect her fangs. Incidentally, goats aren’t particularly enthusiastic about having someone pry open their mouths for dental inspections. We have firsthand experience with this and do not recommend it as a recreational activity.
Weirdness Wednesday: Victorian Family Portraits
For this week’s installment of Weirdness Wednesday, we’re finally sharing a historical oddity we’ve been saving. During the Victorian era, some families commissioned photographs of loved ones after their deaths. Known today as post-mortem photography, these portraits sometimes depicted the deceased dressed and arranged for one final photograph. While that practice may seem unsettling to modern audiences, photography was still relatively new and expensive. For some families, a post-mortem portrait might have been their only photographic keepsake of someone they loved.
What strikes us as macabre today could have been a deeply meaningful act of remembrance at the time. Still, it’s fair to say that Victorian family photo day sometimes involved circumstances considerably darker than anything happening here at the farm. And that’s saying something, considering we just spent part of our week negotiating costume compliance with a goat.
A Few Final Observations
Hops really is wearing that costume. Nobody generated the photograph with artificial intelligence, although we understand why someone might wonder. Getting her dressed was a genuine production, complete with bribery and a certain amount of resistance. We really be out here doing the most for y’all fr fr. That last sentence was intentional. We’re attempting to communicate with our Gen Z audience. Results remain inconclusive.
Meanwhile, we’ve learned that goats make anatomically unconvincing vampires, Victorian families occasionally had rather unusual photography sessions, and apparently humanity has been finding creative ways to make things weird for a very long time. Around here, we’ve simply decided to continue the tradition.
Happy Halloween from Count Hopscotch and everyone at Old Dallas Mountain Farms!